The Playful Parent
I was invited to speak for the virtual summit Play for Peace — a celebration for World Children’s Day, about the importance of play in children’s lives.
Thank you Liway Tayag for the invitation.
Here’s what I have to say (as an education technology entrepreneur*, game designer, a voracious reader of parenting literature, and most importantly — a father) about play, learning and growing:
- Separating work and play is a mistake. Playtime should not be a reward for putting in the time to study. For me, as an academically accelerated child (many many years ago), this distinction created a sense that anything that is fun cannot be real work, and that when working I shouldn’t enjoy it. I wish the opposite for my daughters. When they graduate, I rather they end up loving mathematics and consider it fun but not know how to do calculus, than ace their calculus exams but despise maths, fear it, and never want to use it.
“Games make us happy because they are hard work that we choose for ourselves, and it turns out that almost nothing makes us happier than good, hard work.” — Jane McGonigal, author of Reality is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World
- Tap into that drive and enthusiasm you child has for playing. Playing is hard work sometimes, but we see our kids spending hours upon hours of concentrated effort towards achieving in-game goals. This persistence and dedication are skills they would need in their future and we must nurture them. (That is not to say that you should let your kid play into the night or at the expense of other commitments.)
“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.” — William Butler Yeats
“We learn best when we care about what we are doing.” — Dennis Littky
- Speaking of the future — realise that the world they are going to live in will be vastly different than that of today, let alone the one you grew up in. A very common mistake of parents is thinking that what is (or was) relevant for them is the same for their kids. Whether you subscribe to the idea of a technology singularity, you cannot deny that advancements in Artificial Intelligence and computational power are going to impact the world dramatically in the next few decades, just when our kids will enter the world as adults. In 2018, I’ve been part of the Zinc VC social mission callout (I’m the one with the orange trousers) to build ventures that tackle the challenges of automation and globalisation. We’ve been visited by academic experts, policy makers, leading executives and thought leaders who have painted an fascinating picture of the world of tomorrow. The bottom line of it all is — make sure that what you’re preparing your kids for now matches the predictions. While the future is hazy, we do know that what the world will need are a ‘certain set of skills’ that play definitely develops.*
“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” ― Alvin Toffler
“Since we can’t know what knowledge will be most needed in the future, it is senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to turn out people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be able to learn whatever must be learned.” — John Holt
- Screen-time need not be feared. And not all screen-time is created equal. I learned English out of necessity — all of my computer games were in English. I also learned game design from playing role-playing games. That said, I also waste more time than I should playing free-to-play games (beware anything that is free!) so it’s not all good. But the bottom line is that play can be plenty productive, if done right. Be curious about what your child is playing, why they prefer this game over that, what do they actually do while playing. You might discover a lot of good going on in there (though I do definitely recommend blocking the ones you ultimately don’t approve of).
“I definitely would not have gotten into programming if I hadn’t played games as a kid.” (Mark Zuckerberg)
- Speaking of being curious about what your kids are playing — play with them! This should not be an obligation, but a privilege and an opportunity. A privilege to spend time with your child when they are most engaged and excited, and take part in the more joyful aspects of their life. An opportunity to learn more about them, to connect with them, to help them learn from play, and for you yourself to have fun! There’s tons of research about how this is beneficial for a child’s development. See below some interesting research I collected a while back (for a venture about parenting and online games)**.
“Adults follow paths. Children explore” — Neil Gaiman
“The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery” — Mark Van Doren
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*
During my time at the Zinc programme, I helped build a venture called Game Academy, the purpose of which is to use commercial games (not games designed for education) to upskill workers and use game stats in human resources recruitment processes.
**
A study by Advanced Learning Technologies (ICALT) concludes: “Interview responses show that parent-child play in multiplayer competitive educational games provides a solution for parents to help low academic performance children learn. Many parents gave their children advice to spell words and almost all children were willing to accept advice even though they were opponents in the game. Children may feel a sense of accomplishment when they win their parents so that they get motivated to learn through parent-child play. Children enjoyed parent-child play in that they can have more time to interact with their parents. This study provides evidence that parent-child play in educational games can be a possible way to not only let parents help children learn but also enhance parent-child relationships.”
Intra Ludum suggests capitalizing on the advent of online multiplayer games and asymmetrical games to promote parent-child playtime that is fair and engaging for both, including an insightful video by Extra Credits.
Arizona State University scientists who study the educational aspects of video games suggest that a shared gaming experience can enhance communication among family members.
Elizabeth Hayes, Delbert & Jewell Lewis Chair in Reading & Literacy and professor in ASU’s Mary Lou Fulton Teachers College, says that “Parents miss a huge opportunity when they walk away from playing video games with their kids. Often parents don’t understand that many video games are meant to be shared and can teach young people about science, literacy and problem solving. Gaming with their children also offers parents countless ways to insert their own ‘teaching moment.’”
Sinem Siyahhan, assistant research professor in Sanford School of Social and Family Dynamics, notes that “typically elementary school youngsters transitioning to middle school want to develop greater independence from their parents, so these “digital natives” may retreat into solitary video game play. Parents can effectively open the communication lines by engaging their children in family-friendly video games played together. Video game play becomes a point of conversation, not a point of conflict. On the flip side, it’s nice for the child to be able to teach his or her parents about gaming. Our research is finding that sharing this experience cultivates family bonding, learning and well-being.”
An article, from The Journal of Adolescent Health, looks at the impact of intergenerational family co-play on adolescent girls. Authors Sarah M. Coyne, Ph.D., Laura M. Padilla-Walker, Ph.D., Laura Stockdale, B.Sc., and Randal D. Day, Ph.D., found that kids playing video games with parents is “associated with decreased levels of internalizing and aggressive behaviors, and heightened prosocial behavior for girls.” What’s more, “co-playing video games was also marginally related to parent–child connectedness for girls.”
Jordan Shapiro of Forbes writes — “…study after study is showing that there are a lot of great skills and lessons that kids can acquire by playing video games. I’m not surprised. Learning is experiential, and games are complex simulations that require advanced problem solving skills. It is easy to learn the mechanics of the game while playing. But kids need parents, or older siblings, or adult caretakers to help them translate those lessons into the context of the real world.
Shapiro is the author of FREEPLAY, where he “looked at the implicit epistemological constructions in video games, questioned the ways of making sense of the world that video games were teaching my kids, how video games teach us to think.” He claims that playing video games makes you a better parent and that video games are generally good for your health.
A study by the ESA, which surveyed 4,000 households, revealed that 59% of parents play video games at least once a week as a social activity with their kids. Among the households surveyed, computer and video games sales are considerably higher than movies and music. EdSurge points out from the survey that “63% percent of parents say video games play a positive role in their child’s life.”
Yalda T. Uhls, a child psychologist who studies how media affects children, told the Wall Street Journal that lessons of encouragement, support and critical thinking can be enforced when parents help their children pass tricky levels. Spending this additional time together also provides the opportunity to discuss other issues that kids often don’t reveal during planned family outings.
In the same article, Sarah E. Needleman writes for The Wall Street Journal — “Family-friendly video games not only teach academics and important life skills — they can be a great way to bond with your kids.”
Denise Lisi DeRosa is a Tech Parenting Consultant and founder of Cyber-Sensible.com. She suggests that you “show your child you are interested in what they are playing and you want to understand their interest. You may not be the most challenging opponent, but you’ve made the effort to understand why they like to play.”
Studies have found that “more “play” is necessary not just for children but for adults as well. Play, or doing something just for the sake of liking it, helps boost mood, encourages problem-solving skills, and helps to build relationships.“
A research by the University of Oxford and Cardiff University found that parents who reported playing video games with their children are about three times more likely to have a handle on the effects gaming have on young people as compared with adults who are not parents and those who have never played.
According to Statista, leading reasons why parents play computer games with their children in the United States in 2016 are: 80% “It’s fun for the entire family”; 76% “Because I am asked to”; 76% “It’s a good opportunity to socialize with my children”; 59% “It’s a good opportunity to monitor game content”; 57% “I enjoy playing games as much as my children”.
The consulting firm Magid interviewed 3,000 parents and found 92% of those whose kids play video games, play alongside them, according to CBS. The survey also found that more than three-quarters of parents say their primary reason to play games is to spend time with their children.
According to ChartBoost, “Many of today’s parents are gamers. They grew up playing video games and they want their kids to do the same — but they want to do it with them. To parents, gaming is a way to connect and learn with their kids, not a digital babysitter.” Alison York, research director at TV network (and mobile game creator) Nickelodeon, told ChartBoost that “parents are definitely gaming with their kids — it’s a family pastime now. What we found when we spoke to parents is they see it as a great way to bond with their children and bond as a family.” She also claims that “education always ticks the right box for parents. It just makes them feel better about the content that kids are playing.”
Dr. Randy Kulman writes for Learning Works: “Given the amount of time children are engaged with screen-based technologies, it is imperative that parents, educators, and childcare professional become active partners in using these technologies with children and ensuring that they are used appropriately. Parents should play video games and watch TV with their children. In order to do so, they need to become more knowledgeable and actively participate in children’s use of all screen-based technologies and digital media.”
He also suggest parents assist with maximizing the generalization, or transfer of learning, from one setting to another, specifically video games to the real world, by engaging with their children and their experience playing.
“Gaming isn’t something that is just done by kids by themselves. It has changed into something parents and families can do together.” says Barbara Chamberlin, associate professor and extension instructional design and educational media specialist, who is the current project director of the Learning Games Lab.
To the question “Should parents play video games?” on Quora, the overwhelming consensus was positive. Brian Greenhow, a prominent user, states two main reasons: 1. Understanding the medium. If children are reading or wanting to watch a movie, it’s pretty good practice to either get a look at it first or watch/read it with them. I think a lot of parents don’t associate video games with mature content because they view games as toys. The danger in that is that they allow their children to play inappropriate content unsupervised. Parents should become at least familiar with gaming if for nothing else, to be aware of the dangers it can present; 2. Connecting with your children. Having anything in common with your children is great for your relationship. Playing together has the obvious benefit of sharing a fun activity but also gives you something to discuss with them and if something does slip through your net, gives you the opportunity to help them process it.
As commentary to a Harris Poll survey, which found that “58 percent of adults blame games for violent behavior,” Jim Kerstetter suggests that “If parents are indeed concerned about the impact of video games, the best thing they can do is learn about the games their kids are playing, just as they learn about the classes they’re taking and the friends with whom they’re spending time.”
The Interactive Games & Entertainment Association (iGEA) recommends parents play with their kids.
According to MakeUseOf, “The hardest part about finding a game to play with your kids is that most kid’s video games are not even remotely fun for adults. Most of them are either too simple, too cheesy and, in many cases, just downright bad. On the other side are the games such as Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty, which are games filled with violence that most parents do not want their kids to see. The key is finding one that is safe and friendly for kids, and fun for adults.”
During the course of her presentation on ‘Games for Parental Education’, Mariam Adil the founder of GRID (Gaming Revolution for International Development), commented that “parental engagement and stimulation during the early years of a child’s life are critical to set the child on a positive lifelong trajectory”.
